hillary and obama

obama- i finally came this far. but the race is the not over yet, but from my personal understanding, the hard part is over. For the final run, i don't know if i even need her help. she finally showed her true color from the running, but i also have. she was tactical yet favored to demean other candidates. i understand that lowering other runners is the best psychological advantage to put yourself on spotlight, but she sounded like she was against everything that i have built up so far. i am not even sure if i can trust her so much behind that smiley face. 

black- i just finished going over the writing that my helpers and i posted online. i wrote a message to all the supporters out there who helped me fight in this campaign. they put so much money and effort into this race. and for now all i can do is thank them with a note. going straight to the point, i wrote on the blog that i would help obama. i made that public, because democrat has to win this race, but do i really want to help him though? he really played with my mind in the race, and i did not enjoy that at all. when the result cameout, i honestly the first thing that came to my mind was, "revenge" but it wasn't the right word. i need couple days to get my poker face on, and act like i truely step down and follow his lead, but when i see that he is not doing a damn good job that i could have done, i will make sure he knows how i feel about that. better yet, i will make sure that the public knows what i have to say to that. so be careful there, when you are have your guard down and make a mistake, i will stand there to make sure that the world knows, that they had made a mistake. a big mistake.

"I WANT TO KNOW"BY LINDSAY LEVIN 6.5.2008

George bush

George Bush

Quote of the day from time- George Bush

I really don't care if it created more enemies than before. at then, it was our best interest to get out revenge. yes revenge. they killed more than thousands of people bombing the world trade center, and i am giving them our payback. i am the head of united states of america. the citizen of america is my body, and their actions are from my thoughts. this is not a tyranny; i've heard the emotions and feelings from the people, and they wanted a fight- i gave them that. as much as people see me such a failure or a bad president for now, historians and futures descendants will understand my action one day, because my name and my actions will forever live in every text books.

black- yea we were angry when WTC blew infront of our eyes, and we did ask for revenge and a big fight. however, we did not ask to go to a war against the country at all. we just wanted to find people who are responsible for this happening and bring them down to justice. we did not ask our childrens to go die and fight without why we are sacrificing our lives. yea we were abit emotional, but it is a head's job to overlook personal emotions and look at the future. no. as we were confused, the president began to lose his mind also. when he was supposed to be the one to stick out and be strong, he lost his mind with us.

everyday?! not possible?

I have told myself that nothing is impossible many times in several occasion. when i picked up SAT, when i started to memorize vocabularies, when i wanted to become a doctor, when i thought i could become a milionarie, when i thought my family was going to be my best supporters, when i thought i could get A in my classes, when i thought i could win her love back, when i thought i could go back to speedskating world again.

i am asking myself a simple task to do everyday. if i can keep up with arousing myself everyday diligently, i think this is possble. write this black & white everyday. even if i can't be the guy who will get a perfect score on SAT, can't memorize the whole dictionary, can't cure cancer, can't own apple.inc myself, can't expect my family to take a bullet for me, can't pull allnighters everyday to get A in a simple anatomy class, can't let go of nicole in my past, and can't beat those skaters with those thigs with sizes of an oak tree, there must be something i can do in this life. and i believe that something is this.

i am a very special type of blood. my blood doesn't boil right away, but when it starts to heat up it goes all the way. i have ability or a small gift to see good in things. how? because i see the bad, also.

so i write right now, no matter what happens i will make sure i write one new post a day with hot topic in my life or where i live in.

as brandon cleverly mentioned yesterday, i might be fetus right now, but one day i grow big enough to take my dad's place.

so here it goes akjsdkasdhaskdjjk;aslkd;ask/>

meeting a mate

when i say that i am lonely, i am not expressing my physical sexual frustration. it's more of mental loneliness. i am sure it's not the sexual desire, because i had been embraced by many gals. i had been kissed by them, but they meant nothing.

i was missing something deeper than superficial physical touch. i was losing my hope on love. i thought my family's visit was going to fill in that big hole, but that was not true. it only made it bigger.

i hope i don't lose my touch from such a beautiful view that i had before.

classes

CAS PS241SA1

Dev Psychology Grant

4.0

Independent

0

PSY

155

Tue,Thu

6:00pm

9:30pm

Class Full

CAS PO241SA1

Intro Pub Pol Rossell

4.0

Independent

10

CAS

221

Tue,Thu

2:00pm

5:30pm

CAS BI114SA1

Human Disease Godrick

4.0

Lecture

13

PRB PRB

148 148

Mon,Wed Tue,Thu

9:00am 9:00am

12:30pm 11:30am

No lecture 5/26-6/6

SAR HS251SA1

Human Nutr Sci Durschlag

4.0

Independent

4

SAR

104

Tue,Thu

11:00am

2:30pm

Mts w/SAR HS551

journey?

i might turn this blog into a journey blogg, maybe not

this black and white is very interesting and exciting. i get to be on the both side which allows me to have a better understanding in situations. 

this maybe a start to solve a bigger issue in this world. everything can be seen as black and white- this does not simplify anything, it means that no matter how complicated a situation maybe, it can be solved by dividing into two sides, and understand them. 

but since i am disappearing next year without a notice, journey might help my friends to understand my situation better. 

he and i

cabdriver & my sis

i am way too tired to replay the whole thing over on here, so here's the brief summary

i got into the cab with my family- it's pretty late right now and there's only handful of buses going back to home. the bus should be too uncomfotable and long, so i just picked the cab. mostly, i just didn't want to get a bitchy glare from my brother. he has been quiet ever since i saw him. he is just like that in the beginning then he will break really soon. he always does. the cab ride was pretty long, but it was pretty smooth and comfortable. the money rate was just going up and up. when we got home, it was 48 dollars. hm, i have fifty dollar bill in my small wallet. fuck it. here it is. i gave it to him and walked away quickly. now my brother is going to say something about it. and yes he does.

black- i am working way too much tonight. i had a long shift today, and i was ready to hit the bed. but this family came in the cab. she said her destination, and as i gussed her destination was pretty darn far away. the whole ride felt so long and tiring- i am ready to take my break. when i arrived at the destination, the girl gave me fifty dollars when it was 48 dollars for the whole ride. two dollars tip? what is she thinking? i came out from the cab and made a small chat with the boy and a man who seemed be like a father. i ended up just saying, "have a good night, peace." fuck it- i am too tired for a blowout.

heather & I

walked into the party with some excitement- it is very well organized party, alot more effort than those crappy bu parties. so i cruised around and met couple people. one stood out immediately. wow it's been awhile for a girl who i found beautiful yet bold. everything she wore was so plain, from the typical furry winter shoes to black shirt. she might be it. i started from somewhere else and slowly worked toward her. she didn't even seem like she saw me coming- she continued looking at someone or something. can't figure out what. the party had only handful of boys- at that point i wasn't so worried. i went on drinking a terrible wine from a big red cup. time passed and i got to talk to her. she was plain as i thought, but i still couldn't get a full grasp of her. i was confused. she ripped my lesson from the past, and made return to small middle school boy. I whispered to her and i was timid. i couldn't find a smoother way to talk to her, and i ended up just telling her that i find her attractive and i like her- which was a big turn off apparently. she backed off, and showed me what she was focused on from the beginning- the other boy from this handful group. it torn my self-esteem once again, i felt like i was back in middle school-- confused and unintelligent.  this other guy had a shabby beard and curly hair, for that day he had more to offer than i did. 

black- sitting around just cruising. i am so bothered by some of these lesbian girls. this party looks interesting to stick around. mind as well! it has couple cute boys in it. im gonna start slow though- start with some wines and initiate the social agenda. party went on, and nothing interesting was happening, and this asian kid bluntly showed me that he was interested in me. poor boy- he should've learned more from his yrs in school. he was cute, but not cute enough. he didn't look to have much. that's enough about that boy, i saw a cuter boy- he doesn't go around and try to impress people. i like this boy better, here it goes. 

white side and black side

there was a big conflict that has been bothering me for days. i went to a party that was obviously for asians. i invited my white friends to come and join. before we attend the party, we decided to join one of the white friend's apartment. we had a small gather.

then i got a phone call from this girl. she called me and asked me if i was there yet, so i replied, "there yet? what do you mean?" she told me that we were supposed to meet up at the super 88 at 10 oclock. that selfish bitch decided to stay out there until i show up and make me feel guilty for not showing up. what a move. i quickly made a decision to go to the party and pick her up. i made sure my white knows where the party's at, and then took off. i thought it would be fine. then it struke me on the way to super88- im pretty good at catching people's feeling. it's not perfectly clear all the time, but i can catch black and white (happy or sad). i caught the scent of unhappiness from my zack. he was not happy.

black- i always hate this asian parties. who do they think they are, and why are they so secluded. my asian friend didn't exactly convince me go to the party, but some of the curiosity tookover. i decided to go. when i was getting excited about the asian gatering, i decided to bring them to my place and start some pregaming. then he simply disappeared. saying, "i have to pick a girl up" what am i gonna do now. I can't go to this party without him being right next to me. it will so awkward being there without him. so i stayed and decided not to go to the party. i was definitely angry all night, and i did not want to talk to the boy who convinced me to go. at one point, i was really wanting to go, but now i can't. i just can't.

May.14.2008

starting a journey today.